Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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