I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
