well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Randomize
