So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
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