I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Randomize
