I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
