I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
