After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Randomize
