2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
