Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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