I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
