wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
