I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
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