Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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