i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
