Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
