At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
they need to just BURY HIM!
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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