The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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