There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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