Just fell off a train. Bad.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
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