apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
