He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
