your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
false alarm, still single
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