Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
