I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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