This girl is more easily done than said...
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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