After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
