Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
