i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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