i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
