Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
