Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
