Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
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