i can't believe i had my finger in that
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
