i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
