During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
