At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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