Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
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