my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
