we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
We left an ass print on the piano.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
