I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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