We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
