Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Randomize
