your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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