I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
