Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
