So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
My vagina is officially offended.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I think we might need a safe word for this...
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
