I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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