The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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