No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
i will never coherently bang her
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
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