I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize