im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
