That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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