separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Randomize
