Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
3 2 1 whiskey
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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