Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
