Christians are straight up FREAKS
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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