Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
