I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
