And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize