This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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