ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
