JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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