Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Randomize
