my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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