I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
