Need sex. Gaining weight.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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