it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Randomize