you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
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