i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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