god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
